Swimming in a Fish Bowl

A Trigger

Your mystery is your secret to keep, I will only look at what it is you want me to see.

You may enjoy the ambiguity, I enjoy being hassle free.

It is the games we play, what we think and choose to say

Thoughts run wild--- fantasies bring a smile

The clock strikes when the time has come to end the play, while departing separate ways you realize there is much more to say

Hiding behind a shield of mysteriousness counterattacks your ability for seriousness

The secrets you carry I promise you aren’t that scary; will they bring you discomfort? –Yes. 

Will they embarrass you? – Yes- the you that you want seen, and not known

Problems, complications and other misfortunes encapsulate the unknown you

I promise you, the you,  you tuck away is indeed the only one I want to know, 

yet it isn’t who YOU make available for show

I must be a selfish and flow with the current that fits  me best, for with me it is I who you see

What's it all about???.....JOY--or ??? You decide, your goal.

This morning as I set out for my oldest child to depart for school, my middle child chased down my youngest child while he had sirens blasting on some  siren-blasting app off his i phone and she cruised downhill on her backpack on wheels.  The younger siblings both smiling brightly, one running away, one chasing, playing a family friendly version of cops and robbers.  I locked into the smile of my son, the middle child, as he whizzed by me and his older sister in pursuit of little sis.  So pure, so fresh, so authentic. That’s what it’s about right there. JOY---experiencing enjoyment in the simplest of things that life has to offer. It was hard to believe how disruptive and uncooperative my son was the morning before.

 How can we maintain that joy?—especially when dissatisfying circumstances come upon us.  The joy, that’s what has to grow, that’s what I want to keep.  The purity and the freshness that authenticity stems from and the joy that is outwardly expressed as we experience such. As the parent a lot is up to me. Parents model for their children how to be. Many changes have been made since moving to So.Ca, many more are still desired.

 Many mornings are hectic in even the smoothest running household, most of our mornings are problem free and certainly not even complain-worthy (since moving to So.Ca). Of course they start way earlier then I would care for but when I wake on time and focus on my priorities as the rest of my family wakens they tend to fall into line and focus on their  priorities too—or routine.  For instance, this morning my 8 year old woke just after 5a  saying she had to finish her homework—this is too early for her to wake especially after last night’s late night pitching session and tonight’s early evening scheduled volleyball game. My first instinct was to tell her to go back to bed (or the consequence for early waking is an early bedtime), but I saw the determination on her face, the concern and the look of focus.  This was a priority for her.  (I won't even go into the fact that I was led to believe she had completed all her homework prior to pitching practice).—I wisely observed the situation,  watched her, her actions, heard her voice and I decided that the best action would be to allow her to complete what was a top priority to her.  “Ok, go ahead and finish but when you’re done go back to bed, it’s not even 5:30!”, and with that in a matter of minutes she was done and back in bed! – I don't actually think she  fell back to sleep, but I know if I had gone the other route and demanded she return to bed and wake later she also wouldn't have fallen back to sleep since this homework was too much of a priority concerning her.   Simply by observing the morning event for what it was, based on my daughter’s actions and words she was satisfied, I was satisfied and our morning continued on glitch free.  Any opposition from either her or I could have and almost certainly would have changed the course of our interactions and undoubtedly would have included commentary and criticism from her brother as well, which would have likely led into another morning of disruptive and uncooperative behavior.  Those are the times when even though I am the parent, I am out numbered.  If one of the three feel wronged by me it doesn't take much for 3 of 3 to form an alliance and join in on the “parental attack”.  I was spared, we were spared, and our neighbors were spared today. I had my focus on my priorities for the morning, and I allowed my daughter to tend to her main priority.  As my morning routine continued my son began asking me what he should get at game stop with his gift card, when  the ‘not now’ look I shot him wasn't understood I simply reminded him, “let’s talk about that later, right now the focus is on….” And before I could finish the sentence he understood. –not only did he understand but he complied--complete cooperation. 

 A reminder to focus is a helpful hint to better organize your thoughts and actions. But, I think even more important than a reminder to focus is having the understanding-- that is having the knowledge of what the focus is for.  “Focus” can be a broad term especially when you are a child (or just act like one).  When my daughter is on the pitching mound and from the sidelines I holler “focus” she understands. She understands this because she has been taught what it means.  Our morning routine is a series of priorities and in order to complete the tasks necessary our focus needs to be set for our specific goal.  The goal is clear, school on time for instance (or joy in my children everyday), the tasks are understood in level of importance (priorities set), and a reminder to “focus” is all that is needed to ensure we achieve our goal.   Yes a goal of  'joy in my children everyday' is a lofty one at best, BUT it is a goal for which I can set my priorities towards.  Since children learn how to be from modeling their parents the first task is experiencing joy everyday myself.  That’s where my focus will be in efforts to achieve my goal!

Goal__________________________________________

Actions (tasks) to reach goal_________________________

Prioritize  Action __________________________________

                                                                *FOCUS*