This morning as I set out for my oldest child to depart for
school, my middle child chased down my youngest child while he had sirens
blasting on some siren-blasting app off
his i phone and she cruised downhill on her backpack on wheels. The younger siblings both smiling brightly,
one running away, one chasing, playing a family friendly version of cops and robbers. I locked into the smile of my son, the middle child, as he whizzed by me and his older sister in pursuit of little sis. So pure, so fresh, so authentic. That’s what it’s about right there. JOY---experiencing
enjoyment in the simplest of things that life has to offer. It was hard to believe
how disruptive and uncooperative my son was the morning before.
How can we maintain
that joy?—especially when dissatisfying circumstances come upon us. The joy, that’s what has to grow, that’s what I want to
keep. The purity and the freshness that authenticity
stems from and the joy that is outwardly expressed as we experience such. As
the parent a lot is up to me. Parents model for their children how to be. Many changes
have been made since moving to So.Ca, many more are still desired.
Many mornings are
hectic in even the smoothest running household, most of our mornings are
problem free and certainly not even complain-worthy (since moving to So.Ca). Of course they start way
earlier then I would care for but when I wake on time and focus on my priorities
as the rest of my family wakens they tend to fall into line and focus on
their priorities too—or routine. For instance, this morning my 8 year old woke just after 5a saying she had to finish her homework—this is too early for her to
wake especially after last night’s late night pitching session and tonight’s
early evening scheduled volleyball game. My first instinct was to tell her to
go back to bed (or the consequence for early waking is an early bedtime), but I
saw the determination on her face, the concern and the look of focus. This was a priority for her. (I won't even go into the fact that I was led
to believe she had completed all her homework prior to pitching practice).—I wisely
observed the situation, watched her, her
actions, heard her voice and I decided that the best action would be to allow
her to complete what was a top priority to her.
“Ok, go ahead and finish but when you’re done go back to bed, it’s not
even 5:30!”, and with that in a matter of minutes she was done and back in bed!
– I don't actually think she fell back
to sleep, but I know if I had gone the other route and demanded she return to
bed and wake later she also wouldn't have fallen back to sleep since this homework
was too much of a priority concerning her.
Simply by observing the morning
event for what it was, based on my daughter’s actions and words she was satisfied,
I was satisfied and our morning continued on glitch free. Any opposition from either her or I could
have and almost certainly would have changed the course of our interactions and
undoubtedly would have included commentary and criticism from her brother as
well, which would have likely led into another morning of disruptive and
uncooperative behavior. Those are the
times when even though I am the parent, I am out numbered. If one of the three feel wronged by me it doesn't
take much for 3 of 3 to form an alliance and join in on the “parental attack”. I was spared, we were spared, and our
neighbors were spared today. I had my focus on my priorities for the morning,
and I allowed my daughter to tend to her main priority. As my morning routine continued my son began
asking me what he should get at game stop with his gift card, when the ‘not now’ look I shot him wasn't understood
I simply reminded him, “let’s talk about that later, right now the focus is on….”
And before I could finish the sentence he understood. –not only did he
understand but he complied--complete cooperation.
A reminder to focus is a helpful hint to
better organize your thoughts and actions. But, I think even more important
than a reminder to focus is having the understanding-- that is having the knowledge
of what the focus is for. “Focus” can be
a broad term especially when you are a child (or just act like one). When my daughter is on the pitching mound and
from the sidelines I holler “focus” she understands. She understands this
because she has been taught what it means. Our morning routine is a series of priorities
and in order to complete the tasks necessary our focus needs to be set for our specific
goal. The goal is clear, school on time
for instance (or joy in my children everyday), the tasks are understood in
level of importance (priorities set), and a reminder to “focus” is all that is
needed to ensure we achieve our goal. Yes a goal of 'joy in my children everyday' is a lofty one at best, BUT it is a goal for which I can set my priorities
towards. Since children learn how to be
from modeling their parents the first task is experiencing joy everyday
myself. That’s where my focus will be in
efforts to achieve my goal!
Goal__________________________________________
Actions (tasks) to reach
goal_________________________
Prioritize Action __________________________________
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